I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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