dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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