so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
