No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my poor anus
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize