if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I deserve this hangover.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
