Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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