Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
