I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
