what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
