8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
