Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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