i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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