Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
