I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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