That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
