Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize