But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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