I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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