he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
