the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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