You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
