remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
