hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize