Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
