I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
