if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
