my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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