I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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