On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
