she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize