On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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