So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
