Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
