i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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