After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
