I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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