I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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