Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
