well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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