Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
