I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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