I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
