I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
