Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
pray to the hookup gods
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
