I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
