Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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