yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
