New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize