Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
