the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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