my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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