It's Friday. Sex?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
