yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
