Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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