i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
