JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
