I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we're making bets on your personal life
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
