We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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