im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
