guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
