ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
