the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
