You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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