im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize