I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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