what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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