She said her name was "party"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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