so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I CAN MOONWALK!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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