How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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