I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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